Doctor Ignores Pain? How to Respond to Medical Gaslighting in Endometriosis

Medical gaslighting is a phenomenon in which a healthcare professional downplays a patient's reported physical symptoms , attributing them to psychological disorders, individual appearance, or alleged hypersensitivity to pain. In the case of endometriosis, where the average time from the first visit to a proper diagnosis is still seven to ten years, battling disregard in the medical office is a distressing daily reality for many women. As a companion, you play a key role in this process: you are an external voice of reason and a witness to the suffering that the doctor doesn't see daily. Your presence is intended to give the patient a sense of security and the strength to assert her rights.

How to recognize gaslighting in a gynecologist's office?

Gaslighting rarely takes the form of overt aggression; it more often manifests itself as patronizing silencing or dismissive condescension. Alarming signals include repeated statements suggesting that periods must be painful, that symptoms are merely stress-related, and that good results from a basic ultrasound rule out any underlying disease. Such statements completely ignore the fact that stage I endometriosis can cause more severe pain than stage IV, and that a standard gynecological examination performed without a specialized protocol rarely reveals any disease. A physician engaging in gaslighting typically interrupts the patient, prevents her from completing her description of her symptoms, and causes the woman to doubt her own physical well-being.

The role of the companion is to detect these moments and react immediately and calmly. When the doctor says that severe pain is normal, you can calmly intervene, pointing out that pain that prevents daily functioning and causes fainting is, by definition, not within the norm. It's worth emphasizing that the goal of the visit is to find the cause of the symptoms, not to try to accept them. This validation of symptoms in the doctor's presence makes it harder for the doctor to dismiss the problem as a woman's natural state.

Assertiveness in practice: How to effectively defend a patient's rights?

Assertiveness in a doctor's office isn't about entering into conflict, but about sticking to the facts and consistently demanding specific diagnostics. If a doctor refuses to refer you for additional testing, such as an MRI with a protocol specific to endometriosis, you have the right to request that this refusal be officially recorded in your medical records, along with a written justification. Often, the mere formulation of this request causes the doctor to reconsider their position, as it involves assuming direct legal liability for any diagnostic omission.

You can also act as a secretary for the visit. A good habit is to arrive with a prepared list of questions and a meticulously kept pain diary. If the specialist tries to dismiss the patient with generalities, it's worth intervening with specific data, for example, indicating how many days in the last month were associated with severe pain. Asking about specific diagnostic steps to rule out deep infiltrating endometriosis and using medical terminology demonstrates that the doctor is dealing with a patient who is aware of her rights and has prepared support, significantly reducing the risk of dismissing the problem.

When to say “enough” and change your doctor?

The most important lesson in assertiveness is understanding that the patient and her loved ones have no obligation to educate or correct a doctor who is unwilling to listen. If, after a substantive exchange, the specialist continues to demonstrate a lack of empathy or a lack of current knowledge in the field of endometriosis treatment, the best solution is to quickly terminate the visit. The accompanying person's role is to support the patient in her decision to seek another specialist and remind them that leaving an unfriendly office is an act of self-care.

Changing doctors isn't a failure, but a mature step in the therapeutic process. Endometriosis requires care from an experienced, expert surgeon and an interdisciplinary team, not from someone who questions the reality of their suffering. The role of a supportive partner or friend culminates in reminding a loved one that their pain is real and that they have every right to a reliable diagnosis, treatment, and respect in any medical practice.

Sources

Armor M, Lawson K, Wood A. Dismissed and Disregarded, Fighting for recognition in the doctor's office. Endometriosis UK, London, January 2021.

Guideline Development Group. Patient-Centred Care, Empowering patients through education and advocacy. World Endometriosis Society, San Francisco, May 2020.

Nazar K, Wieczorek A. Patient rights in medical practice, a guide for patients and their caregivers. PZWL Medical Publishing House, Warsaw, September 2022.

Young K, Fisher J, Kirkman M. Medical Gaslighting and the Delay in Diagnosis of Endometriosis, A Qualitative Study. Journal of Women's Health, volume 28, number 11, pages 1456, November 2019.